it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
