my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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