why didn't you poke me back
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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