His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
