The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
