I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
