I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
