Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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