Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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