I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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