I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
