Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
