Apparently you make a good broom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
