Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
