Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
