@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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