and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
