I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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