I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
