it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
