Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am naked and annoyed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
