I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
