Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
