Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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