paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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