I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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