I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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