Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
