careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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