dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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