You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
