hotel room ftw
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
