my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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