you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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