I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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