uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
