At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
