No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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