Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
