Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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