Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
