4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
