they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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