R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
