how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
