I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
