he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
