Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
