Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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