just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
