Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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