I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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