Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
