he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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