The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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